AI For Everyday Life
AI For Everyday Life
You're not crazy. You're not overreacting.
You're experiencing a documented manipulation tactic.
Chapter 9: Recognizing Manipulation & Reclaiming Your Reality
When you confront someone about their harmful behavior, and suddenly you're the one apologizing... that's not a coincidence. It's a pattern. Psychologist Dr. Jennifer Freyd identified this manipulation tactic and gave it a name: DARVO.
DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It's a predictable three-stage response used by people who refuse to take accountability—and it's devastatingly effective during divorce.
If you've ever walked away from a confrontation feeling like the bad guy when you were the one who was wronged, you've experienced DARVO.
Chapter 9 teaches you to recognize this pattern, document it, and protect yourself emotionally and legally as you navigate your divorce.
Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Here's how it works.
The first move is flat-out denial, even when proof exists. This isn't simple lying—it's gaslighting designed to make you question your own memory and judgment.
"You're imagining things."
"Those messages don't mean what you think."
"I would never do that to you."
When denial fails, they switch to offense. Now it's about discrediting you, shutting you down, and making you the issue instead of their behavior.
"You're paranoid."
"You violated my privacy by going through my phone."
"You have serious trust issues."
The final flip. They stop defending and start playing victim. Suddenly you're the abuser and they're suffering because of your "accusations."
"I'm the victim here. You're emotionally abusing me."
"You're destroying our marriage with your suspicions."
"I'm walking on eggshells around you."
After betrayal, you're already questioning yourself. DARVO exploits that doubt and amplifies it.
Suddenly the conversation isn't about what they did—it's about your "overreaction" or "trust issues."
You walk away unsure who was actually wronged. That confusion is intentional.
Research shows people exposed to DARVO often end up blaming themselves for the harm they experienced.
Research-Backed: A 2017 study found that the more DARVO someone experienced, the more likely they were to internalize guilt for someone else's actions.
When Sarah found the messages on her husband's phone, she confronted him expecting an explanation. Instead, she got DARVO.
First, he denied: "Those messages don't mean what you think."
Then, he attacked: "You violated my privacy. You have serious trust issues."
Finally, he reversed: "I'm the victim here. You're emotionally abusing me with these accusations."
"Maybe I wasn't a good enough wife."
"Maybe I was too controlling by checking his phone."
"Maybe the messages really don't mean what I think."
This is exactly what DARVO is designed to do. Make you take responsibility for someone else's actions.
Chapter 9 includes prompts to analyze your interactions and identify patterns.
DARVO is real, it's documented, and it's studied by researchers. Chapter 9 helps you name it, document it, and take back your power.
Get the Book — $28.95 Want more details? View full book page →